


don't look back (look ahead instead)

by sweettasteofbitter



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Divine Leliana, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-02-01 09:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12702105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweettasteofbitter/pseuds/sweettasteofbitter
Summary: When Cassandra visits Divine Victoria as a representative of the Seekers of Truth, she doesn't realize that old feelings are about to be reignited.





	don't look back (look ahead instead)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mytha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mytha/gifts).



> I had never written this pairing before, and I found it quite hard to get a grasp on their dynamic. I hope I did them justice.
> 
> Huge thanks to wintertree for the beta-ing!

“Announcing Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast.”

The doors swayed open to reveal a bright room with marble floors and amply decorated furniture. The large windows ran all the way from the floor to the ceiling and the light casted dark shadows across a regal figure behind the desk.

Cassandra straightened her back and stepped inside, making sure the Seeker symbol on her chest stood to attention. She was dressed more formally than she would have liked for this visit, but she was here as a representative of the Seekers first, and her own more personal reasons for journeying all the way from the Hunterhorn Mountains to Val Royeaux were far from a priority.

“Please leave us,” the figure at the desk told the guard.

“The Divine has requested a private audience with her guest,” the guard boomed, much to Cassandra’s annoyance. She knew from experience that it was customary to have statements announced like this, but that didn’t mean she found any charm in the noisy tradition.

The guard left them, closing the door behind Cassandra’s back.

Divine Victoria rose from her desk chair in a rush of fabric. She wasn’t wearing her full garb, but one of her more leisurely robes with many layers of ivory and red, and a sash around her middle to keep the ensemble together.

“No hat, your Worship?” The words left Cassandra before she could regret even making them up.

“No one tells you this when you become electable for Divine, but the hat is incredibly heavy. No wonder Justinia was so often complaining about headaches. It seems you dodged a bolt there, Cassandra.”

Cassandra mustered a smile. She had been able to get over not becoming Divine by realizing that there was nothing she could have done about the decision, and she had found solace in rebuilding the Seekers of Truth. Now, she was looking at the future, learning from her past mistakes, but never letting them rule her decisions. However, to be confronted by the lost opportunity so directly – by the Divine herself, no less – momentarily messed with her intentions to look forward, not back.

“I know you are someone who wants to respect my titles, but please, for the sake of this conversation, call me Leliana.” Leliana stepped towards Cassandra, her heels clicking against the marble.

“Ah, but it’s been a while, hasn’t it?” Leliana said. “It is so good to see an old familiar face.”

There was an artificial familiarity to her voice and gestures.  Despite noticing this, Cassandra instinctively raised her hands with her palms to the ceiling, offering them so Leliana could touch them for a few short moments. Cassandra couldn’t tell if this was a friendly gesture, or crossing into another territory entirely, the existence of which Cassandra hadn’t even wanted to broach yet. An uncomfortable knot wound up tightly in Cassandra’s stomach, and she took a step back.

So much for not allowing past mistakes to be overbearing.

_The memory of informing Leliana that whatever it was they had, it could no longer be. Perhaps it had been selfish, to save herself from impending heartbreak, but at the time, it had seemed to be the right decision, and Cassandra had elected to live with it._

Leliana raised her eyebrows.

“Were you hurt?”

“What?” Cassandra said, alarmed, afraid that Leliana had pinpointed the exact source of her discomfort.

“Your hand.”

Cassandra looked down at her left hand. From the inside of her thumb to the first joint of her forefinger ran a jagged, healing scar. Yet another addition to her already vast collection.

“Oh, this? It happened a while ago; I had almost forgotten about it. It was a particularly unfortunate move by one of the Seekers’ new recruits.”

“I thought you’d be wearing gloves while sparring.”

“We weren’t sparring.” Cassandra shook her head. “I wanted to show him how to properly hit a nail. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but he did not pay heed to my instructions, and suddenly it was _my_ hand that was bleeding.”

“Very unfortunate,” Leliana said. “It looks like it has been healing well, but you didn’t come here to discuss your forays into the profession of carpenter.”

“I came here because-”

“Cassandra,” Leliana interrupted her. Cassandra scoffed, but didn’t say anything. “When I asked you if you were hurt, what did you think I was suggesting?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” Cassandra swallowed, heat rising up her neck.

“Still the worst liar,” Leliana noted with shrewd amusement.

Cassandra sighed.

“Do not toy with me, Leliana. If you must pursue this line of questioning, I believe we both know from where my confusion spawned.”

Cassandra expected Leliana to give her a quick and sharp response. Instead, the leader of the Chantry stood there, looking at her silently. Leliana was a few inches shorter than Cassandra, yet it felt as though they were standing at equal heights.

Cassandra had never quite understood how it was possible for people to grow quiet when they were angry; Leliana had mastered that skill, and though Cassandra vastly preferred to let her physical reactions speak for her emotions. Leliana’s silence was absolutely frightening.

When she spoke next, Cassandra could tell Leliana was weighing her words carefully.

“Do you think you were the only one who got hurt?”

“I didn’t imply-” Cassandra crossed her arms, disappointed with her inability to put her thoughts into words.

 “It was you who walked away.” Leliana touched one of her ostentatious looking rings on her fingers without looking away from Cassandra.

Cassandra’s jaw clenched. This was a sore point, and Leliana was definitely crossing a line here.

“Do not suggest I’m a coward,” Cassandra raised her voice, and felt her cheeks grow warm with frustration. “I did this for you. For your own good, in order not to scathe your reputation.”

“Without ever taking into consideration what I wanted. What the possibilities were.”

“What ‘possibilities,’ Leliana? You were about to be crowned Divine. I was to be on your council. It would not have been ethical. You could not have...”

“Could not have what? Did I ever have a choice in that matter? You made that decision for me.”

 “But it was the right thing to do!” Cassandra exclaimed.

“I suppose I was wrong to expect regret from your stubborn soul,” Leliana said, her accent wrapping around the fringes of the last two words.

“Explain to me, then,” Cassandra said, loudly still, her body rigid and tense. She wanted to walk away, take large strides out of the office, slam the door. Despite herself and the boiling of her blood, she didn’t move. “How would you have solved our situation?”

Leliana slowly walked back to her desk and leaned against it.

“For one, I would not have imposed anything upon you. And then I would’ve looked for opportunities. I would’ve found a way for us to be close.”

“Chantry rule dictates-”

“Rules? Are those truly your main issue?” Leliana let out an uncharacteristic cackle. “I rewrite and reconsider Chantry rules for breakfast, Cassandra. You, of all people, should know that.”

“But rearranging them for your own gain? You cannot be serious!” Cassandra threw her hands in the air. “The mere idea is preposterous!”

Leliana sighed, and instead of blowing back against Cassandra’s argument with the full force of a gale, a sudden inexplicable smile appeared on her lips. It should have agitated Cassandra even more, but for some reason, it had the opposite effect. Cassandra realized that she had been talking very loudly, and that she definitely wanted to prevent one of the guards from barging in on this private encounter. She took a deep breath and curled her fingers up into a fist.

“You need to think in broader terms, Cassandra,” Leliana started. “I have already drafted minor rules that allow Chantry members regardless of rank to engage in relationships of romantic nature. I am not creating those rules for myself; it would benefit many others, produce goodwill. There will be those that oppose these changes, of course, but they will be dealt with.”

Cassandra did not dare to ask the measures Leliana would take to deal with those that actively opposed her. She had been on Leliana’s council for well over a year, and though her recent activities did not allow her to be as present in Val Royeaux as often as she would like, it was impossible to forget some of the decisions Leliana had taken, and the dissent they had produced across the ranks.

“That said, it would be easier if I knew the rule would benefit myself, eventually.” Leliana said. “However, the only person to catch my eye in recent years decided she no longer wanted me.”

“Do not put words in my mouth!” Cassandra said, and then, with sheepish honesty, “I never said I no longer wanted you.”

Leliana’s face softened. It was when her features were most relaxed when they showed signs of her age. Over the years her skin had grown weathered, and wrinkles were slowly but surely setting in the corner of her eyes. It was also when she was at her most beautiful.

“Then, if I am able to make these changes, and show you that I still care about you, will you be able to put your objections aside? Eventually?”

Cassandra remained quiet, listening to her own heart rapidly beating inside her chest. It was pounding with the aftermath of a disagreement, as well as hope. Whatever her and Leliana had, or were, it would never be simple, or smooth. But their relationship had developed naturally, and in the end, they had found each other at a time when they most needed each other’s company.

Cassandra had had a lot of time to think during her travels from the valleys of the Hunterhorn Mountain to Orlais and back. She had been thinking about Leliana rather a lot, though lately her thoughts had been of regret rather than fondness. Truth of the matter was that she had hoped that her feelings would have faded by now, but they hadn’t, and now she was standing in front of the woman who had been plaguing her dreams in more ways than one. An old friend, lover.

Divine.

Cassandra unclenched her fists. She still didn’t exactly agree with Leliana’s decisions, but they were Leliana’s to make, and the sweet lilt of an opportunity was beckoning her.

“Cassandra?” Leliana said, and Cassandra looked her in the eye.

“I…I suppose I could. If I tried. But it will not be easy.”

Leliana pushed herself away from her desk, standing in front of Cassandra again.

“Nothing is ever easy with us, is it? And we will have to live with that, but I want you to know, I could use someone who,” Leliana gestured with her hand, looking for the right word. “Someone who _knows_ me, as opposed to the masses, who are _convinced_ they know me, instead.”

Cassandra nodded.

“And I need _someone_ ,” she began, but promptly frowned at her own remark, and hastened to clarify it. “Naturally, I am well off alone, but something awakened inside of me during those moments we shared, and, well…”

Leliana put a hand to Cassandra’s cheek.

“I have missed you,” Leliana said gently, and Cassandra let out a shuddering breath. All of her frustrations from the last fifteen months came out with one single exhale.

Instinctively, Cassandra put her hands on Leliana’s hips, anchored against the abundance of silken fabrics, and kissed her. She hadn’t quite expected just how much she wanted to do this, and how liberating it felt to be able to have Leliana close again.

Leliana held Cassandra’s face in her hands, and Cassandra could feel the press of a smile against her mouth. Cassandra closed her eyes. She felt…happy, at ease, despite the argument they were having mere moments before.  She began pushing Leliana back, shuffling awkwardly because they did not stop kissing, until Leliana was trapped against her desk.

For a while, they made up for lost time.

Eventually Leliana leaned back just far enough to talk. There was a twinkle in her eye, one Cassandra recognized from years past, years she had considered lost.

“Tell me, Seeker Pentaghast. Why _are_ the Seekers of Truth reaching out now, after remaining elusive for so long? Your letter sounded _very_ urgent.”

“Hush,” Cassandra said, and she could not help the snort that escaped her. “We will discuss those matters…later.”

Leliana tutted and pulled Cassandra towards her again.

 

 


End file.
